Does aggressiveness and irresponsible behaviour flow
from a kind of peer pressure? (The mob theory.) The question struck me when I
heard someone I know being asked by his wife “Did you talk to the
driver?” What had happened was – the errant family driver in question had gone
off on a leave without prior notice, having gone on some sort of a short
pilgrimage to another state with family. And on a Saturday (when the employers
usually took it easy, not bothering him unless needed) when he was specifically
called on duty. The reasons the driver/his wife kept giving during the 2.5 days
of absence kept changing – wife’s ailment first, changing houses next,
pilgrimage thereafter. So it was not wonder that the fellow was given a sound
berating by the employer’s bro-in-law who had originally referred him,
including a threat of sacking.
Still, it probably didn’t satisfy the wife until the husband himself ‘took on’ the driver. She was satisfied only when the husband told her (in suitable tones) that he himself HAD indeed ‘taken on’ the driver and repeated some of the same berating and threats.
Takes me back to a day some years back when I was maneuvering my car through a narrow, one way lane when a fellow on bicycle came along the wrong side. Now, I am a most peaceful and ‘empathetic’ fellow in general. But that day, maybe because I was quite pissed off with the traffic and the maneuvering, I let the errant man have a piece of my mind (no expletives though – my colleagues 20 years back used to taunt me that the strongest expletive I knew was ‘saala’, almost an endearment). You should’ve seen the glow on wifey’s face – seemed to imply that for once I had ‘stood up’.
Got me thinking. Is a degree of aggressiveness ingrained into us by social conditioning. Say, your child comes home sobbing because some other child may’ve taunted him/her or even pushed him/her. What do you do? Do you try to reason with you child and help him/her put the incident in perspective? Do you talk/complain to the parents of the other child? Or do you tell your child to retaliate the next time around? While the level-headed response (the first one) may be quite rare, the response may’ve been limited to the second one till a few years (decades?) back.
However, perhaps these days parents would be quite comfortable adopting the third alternative, telling themselves that ‘after all, the child needs to be aggressive to get what s/he wants in this bad, bad world’. The latent fear (sometimes brought on due to personal experiences while young) is also that their child may be seen as a wimp. But is it really the ‘bad, bad world’ outside, or are we contributing to making it that way with our attitude. This can be extended to parents looking the other way when their teenagers indulge in minor misdemeanors while driving, only to have them knocking down a few policemen, while driving drunk in the dead of night. I know this seems like a rampant generlisation, but so be it.
It seems we, as parents and as citizens, have abdicated our duty. Takes me back to the old apocryphal tale of the criminal who, standing in the dock, accused his mother of making him into a criminal by overlooking his early misdemeanours. At least those of us who rant against ‘the system’ can perhaps look at the issues from their micro perspective, to realize how they themselves are contributing to perpetuation of the rotten state of affairs. We continue to criticize the government for the power shortage, but leave lights/fans/ACs/geysers running in vacant rooms/toilets when the power is available. Same with water shortage. And don’t many of us (the paragons of virtue that we are!) gloat in private when the shopkeeper/bus conductor/ autorickshaw driver gives us back more money than is due? Then how can we even tell our children to be virtuous/truthful/honest/conserving (take your pick), leave along actually expecting them to adhere to such high standards.
Alas, it doesn’t look as if people are wont to learn from this. I am realistic enough to realize that people will go on blaming ‘the system’ or the ‘bad, bad world’ for all ills, while merrily going about doing the same things at personal level which, when done by the multitudes, evolve into ‘the system’. There is a sort of disconnect (accentuated by city living) which doesn’t let people see that it is THEY who make up ‘the society’ and then ‘the bad, bad world’. For people to realize this, perhaps we would’ve to go back (or forth, depending on how much of the ‘kaala’ mythology you believe) to ‘Satya Yuga’.
Till then, carry on!
Still, it probably didn’t satisfy the wife until the husband himself ‘took on’ the driver. She was satisfied only when the husband told her (in suitable tones) that he himself HAD indeed ‘taken on’ the driver and repeated some of the same berating and threats.
Takes me back to a day some years back when I was maneuvering my car through a narrow, one way lane when a fellow on bicycle came along the wrong side. Now, I am a most peaceful and ‘empathetic’ fellow in general. But that day, maybe because I was quite pissed off with the traffic and the maneuvering, I let the errant man have a piece of my mind (no expletives though – my colleagues 20 years back used to taunt me that the strongest expletive I knew was ‘saala’, almost an endearment). You should’ve seen the glow on wifey’s face – seemed to imply that for once I had ‘stood up’.
Got me thinking. Is a degree of aggressiveness ingrained into us by social conditioning. Say, your child comes home sobbing because some other child may’ve taunted him/her or even pushed him/her. What do you do? Do you try to reason with you child and help him/her put the incident in perspective? Do you talk/complain to the parents of the other child? Or do you tell your child to retaliate the next time around? While the level-headed response (the first one) may be quite rare, the response may’ve been limited to the second one till a few years (decades?) back.
However, perhaps these days parents would be quite comfortable adopting the third alternative, telling themselves that ‘after all, the child needs to be aggressive to get what s/he wants in this bad, bad world’. The latent fear (sometimes brought on due to personal experiences while young) is also that their child may be seen as a wimp. But is it really the ‘bad, bad world’ outside, or are we contributing to making it that way with our attitude. This can be extended to parents looking the other way when their teenagers indulge in minor misdemeanors while driving, only to have them knocking down a few policemen, while driving drunk in the dead of night. I know this seems like a rampant generlisation, but so be it.
It seems we, as parents and as citizens, have abdicated our duty. Takes me back to the old apocryphal tale of the criminal who, standing in the dock, accused his mother of making him into a criminal by overlooking his early misdemeanours. At least those of us who rant against ‘the system’ can perhaps look at the issues from their micro perspective, to realize how they themselves are contributing to perpetuation of the rotten state of affairs. We continue to criticize the government for the power shortage, but leave lights/fans/ACs/geysers running in vacant rooms/toilets when the power is available. Same with water shortage. And don’t many of us (the paragons of virtue that we are!) gloat in private when the shopkeeper/bus conductor/ autorickshaw driver gives us back more money than is due? Then how can we even tell our children to be virtuous/truthful/honest/conserving (take your pick), leave along actually expecting them to adhere to such high standards.
Alas, it doesn’t look as if people are wont to learn from this. I am realistic enough to realize that people will go on blaming ‘the system’ or the ‘bad, bad world’ for all ills, while merrily going about doing the same things at personal level which, when done by the multitudes, evolve into ‘the system’. There is a sort of disconnect (accentuated by city living) which doesn’t let people see that it is THEY who make up ‘the society’ and then ‘the bad, bad world’. For people to realize this, perhaps we would’ve to go back (or forth, depending on how much of the ‘kaala’ mythology you believe) to ‘Satya Yuga’.
Till then, carry on!
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